The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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