That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
