HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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