More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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