Sry I called you an 8
Say something about gay babies.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
