My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
FUCK WHALES
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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