sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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