Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
