he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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