Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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