I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
