Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish I could teleport
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
