Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
