I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
