what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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