And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
