dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
