so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
