Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
