I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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