I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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