I looked at my own cervix.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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