I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
