the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
