i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
