do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
