Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
