i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
