Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
