May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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