Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
