Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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