I'm really into asian looking animals
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
