i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
