there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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