I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dignity is for republicans.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
