I think my fart just growled at me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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