what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
