Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
