you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
