just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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