drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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