So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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