So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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