I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
