so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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