the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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