Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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