how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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