I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
