whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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