my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's blow job season.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
