someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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