Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
