Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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