Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
