Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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