well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
