in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
