hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
