I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
