you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
