my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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