are you so shy because you have an std?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
