Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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